Is ignorance really bliss?

Last week I had the pleasure of going to a natural hair meetup! The group is called Magahony Sistahs and it was the first event I was able to attend with this group. It was a small group of women and so much fun!! Hair didn't even come up in conversation until about the third hour we were there lol we were just having a great time chatting (and in most cases, sippin lol)

The main topic was, of course, men and relationships. After all, when was the last time women got together and didn't talke about men in some form or fashion?? *wink*

The reason I"m writing this post is because of the interesting convo we had. We talked about the immediate deal-breakers, what we're physically attracted to, how important confidence is in a man, why we as women want a man that takes care of business, why we will make excuses for men, the fa ct the you can't help who you fall in love with and more! Since I was the youngest in attendance, I got to hear insight from more experienced women which was great because in terms of love, romance and relationships, I am the least experienced of anyone I've ever met - either older or younger.

The conversation really opened my eyes to my own ignorance and that saddens me to the core. It's almost like I have so much sense that I've used it as an excuse not to get involved with anyone. I've seen and heard so many situations to shy away from that I've never even been close to experiencing myself. But why go through the pain and the drama if you see the negative side effects over someone else's shoulder?

For awhile, I thought I wasn't in a relationship because no one was attracted to me, I wasn't good enough or pretty enough or interesting enough, etc. (insert any other word of negativity and I thought it) but I don't think that was the case. I think I was afraid of the vulnerability of love, the helplessness of falling for someone so hard that common sense no longer applies.

I say all this to say some more: I don't believe that ignorance is bliss in relationships on any level. I don't one (meaning myself) should be ignorant and unknowledgeable of relationships and how they work. I also don't think that when you're in a relationship, there should be a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Being ignorant of cheating doesn't make it okay or tolerable. You're still not in possession of that person's whole being so you end up losing in the end, whether you know about the cheating or not. Not knowing something is not the best place to be because you don't have the option to take action.

What I'm getting at is my desire to be in a healthy, loving, beneficial relationship so that I have the personal experience to go with the not-so-common sense. I want to fall head-over-heels with someone and get so deep that I can't imagine life without them. I want a piece of the stupidity of love. Hopefully I can open myself up to love and I won't be afraid to fall ...

Quote of the day: If I could touch the sky, I'd risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly
                                                                                                           - A. Keys

I want GAS Money

I came across this video when I was getting my youtube fix and thought it was hilarious and sooooo true! I am NOT a free taxi cab driver and yes, I'm cheap! You don't like it? Find another ride homie. That is all #iHeartShannon

Some memorable hair compliments

I say good things about my hair every day so I don't need affirmation from other people to tell me that it's ok to wear my hair in natural styles instead of straight styles. However, I will not deny that it feels good to be complimented! So I'm gonna share some of the ones I've received with you:

• “This hair, man, this hair!” (from a friend that is also going natural and sometimes gets frustrated with her own hair growth, constantly comparing it to others)
• “I think the way you wear your hair is flyy for real. It makes me think of the retro look and that’s pretty dope.” (from a cutie with a bootie lol)
• “You looked really nice today. Granted you look nice every day but I think today the hair was just on point.” (from a crush)
• One of the ushers at church: Every Sunday when she walks me to my seat she hugs me and says I’m a natural beauty
• Mom: “You take much better care of your hair now that it’s not permed anymore.” (well duh! from Mom)
• “I really like the shape of your afro! I looks really good” (Mom again)
• In general: people at church always touch my hair. The guys have told me that they think everyone should go natural, especially my friend that is on a loc journey and is still working on the hair actually locing together.
• My sister's (ex)boyfriend would always touch my hair everytime he sees me and just scream, which was hilarious

Share your natural hair compliments that really stuck with you!!!

The Eye of the Beholder ...

I read this quote on facebook earlier this week: "Beauty isn't pain; insecurity is. Beauty is effortless."

This quote really spoke to me and I wanted to explore the meaning of it, and of course hear what you all have to say as well.

Beauty definitely is NOT pain! You aren't only beautiful if you have the highest heel, longest lash, tighest abs, strictest diet and most tamed hair. I never really understood or embraced the idea that beauty is pain. That in order to appeal to other people there had to be some physical discomfort. That does not make sense to me.

This is the dictionary.com definition of beauty:

beau·ty

/ˈbyuti/

[byoo-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

2. a beautiful person, especially a woman.

3. a beautiful thing, as a work of art or a building.

4. Often, beauties. something that is beautiful in nature or in some natural or artificial environment.

5. an individually pleasing or beautiful quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting.

6. Informal . a particular advantage: One of the beauties of this medicine is the freedom from aftereffects.

7. (usually used ironically) something extraordinary: My sunburn was a real beauty.

8. something excellent of its kind: My old car was a beauty.

 

 

There is no amount of pain that can infuse your spirit with beauty so why do we try so hard to achieve what is supposed to come naturally?? You possess beauty if you are beautiful in nature as the definition says. You're not beautiful because of all the artificial things you've added on top of what God already gave you.

 

 

So beauty is not, in fact, pain. Insecurity on the other hand can be very painful and can hold you back from a lot of things. I would know because I was insecure most of my life.

 

Insecurity caused me to draw into myself. I never thought people wanted to be around me for extended periods of time. Sure, I was always fun in small doses. But I was SURE that if anyone spent any real length of time with me, they would want out. This included friends as well as potential "boyfriends". I just couldn't believe that anyone would want to get to know me on the deepest levels. The saddest part is that I never gave people the opportunity.

 

I inflicted so much pain on myself by sheltering myself from people who, in my mind, wouldn't want to be my best friend/boyfriend/roommate/mentor, etc. etc. I spent a little time with someone and then pulled away because I went over senarios in my mind about how they wouldn't want to go out to lunch with me again or spend the night at my house again or share heartfelt conversations with me again. So yes, insecurity is pain.

 

And just to be fair, this is what insecurity means:

in·se·cu·ri·ty

/ˌɪnsɪˈkyʊərɪti/  [in-si-kyoor-i-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.

2. the quality or state of being insecure; instability: the insecurity of her financial position.

3. something insecure: the many insecurities of life.

 

 

 

So if pain can't cause you to be beautiful, what is beauty? Well, beauty is effortless. It's not the girl in school that has to work every day of her life to stay on top and feel accepted. It's not the woman who spends all her money on plastic surgery to have someone else's features. Now don't get me wrong, these people may look good on the outside.

 

However,the effortlessness of beauty comes from within. That sparkle that lights up yoru smile makes you beautiful. That mistake that you learned from and grew from makes you beautiful. The confidence that allows you to hold your head up high when your face has been disfigured is beautiful. So many qualities about humans make them beautiful. It's not the clothes or makeup or procedures that MAKE us beautiful. We're beautiful because of who we are so remember that : )

Hair Update - part 1

My goal last month was to begin doing at least 3 blog posts every week. Well, I failed but it's okay because I'm going to keep striving for that goal! I miss writing and here I have my own website that I'm not even taking advantage of. So just to warn you in advance, some things may not make sense and they might not be the most extravagent stories but they'll come from my heart and I hope you'll enjoy this new level that I want my blog to go to : )

To being my regular postings, I will do a hair update. I have missed quite a few months of updates so what I'll do is share pictures and styles from March 2011 and continue from there. Alrighty, here we go!

So I started off the month with a twistout that needed to be washed, so I washed and put in twists like so

Then I decided I would try to flat iron my hair again. I didn't blow dry it first, just flat ironed straight from the twisted state which worked pretty well

And the fully flat ironed results (which were pretty poofy)

Then I tried a style by ForeverCurlyCatrina on youtube and I loved it!!

After the short lived flat iron, I twisted my hair back up

When they started looking fuzzy and a twistout was inevitable, I flat twisted the twists up and away

I loved the resulting twistout!!!!

I bought some Rhassoul Clay from AnitaGrant.com and I received it while I had the twistout. At the end of the twistout's life, I decided to try the treatment. Here's how it looked in my hair:

And when it was rinsed out

Now normally I ALWAYS have either twists or twistouts because they are easy and reliable. But afterwards I decided to try a braidout. I used a lot of product: kimmaytube leave in, coconut oil, shea butter, and foam wrap lotion. It came out awesome!!

After 3 days I ended up re-braiding it (I don't remember what I used but I used a lot of product the second time as well!)

 

When the braidout was not so hot anymore, I co-washed my hair and then shingled with eco styler gel

And right now I have in small/mini twists that were done on blow dried hair (I will do a more involved post about mini twists soon)

Phew!!!! That was really long but hopefully you enjoyed the pictures! If you have any questions, please ask and I will be happy to answer them : ) 

I love you for reading! Be blessed